I decided to have one of my recent photographs printed on canvas. My wife liked it, and we thought we could put it up in our newly decorated hallway. It seemed an easy thing to do, online, and there was an introductory offer on, otherwise large canvases can be quite expensive. You load your file to the printer’s website, they run it off and post it to you. Simple.
That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been getting daily emails from the courier to say they’ve got the parcel, it’s on the road, it’s coming at such and such a time. So I wait with bated breath, looking forward to seeing my picture, but nothing comes. Then I check the mail, and the courier’s sent a message to say I wasn’t in, and here’s the proof. And the proof is a blacked out photograph.
So I feel a bit let down, not so much because my stuff hasn’t arrived, but because the machine lied to me, and eroded a little more of my trust in it, and by association my faith in the future that’s coming, because the future is all about the machines. And the machines will lie, and we’ll know they lie, but we’ll rely on them so much we’ll have to live with their lies. And they’ll lie because we’ve set them up to do it, because we’re essentially irrational beings, trying to run the world along rational lines.
But back to my picture. The system could not say: “Sorry, we didn’t make it today, like we promised. We had too many deliveries to make.” And it couldn’t say it because of the way the drivers are measured. The drivers have to say the customer wasn’t in, otherwise he gets it in the neck, even though the machine has given him far too many parcels to deliver. So, I don’t blame the driver. He’s trying to survive as part of the machinery, and the machine pays him, so he has to lie. The machine makes him do it, and treats him appallingly into the bargain.
This has happened every day now for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t in, so they couldn’t deliver. But I was in. I was waiting for my picture. I messaged the courier to ask if there was a problem, if they had the right address. But there was no means of doing so, other than by engaging with what I can only surmise was a circularly inclined chat-bot.
The function of the machinery is simple. It requires a combination of technology and human skill. The printer prints the picture, the logistics are plotted, stickers are run off and attached, and the delivery driver brings it to my home. But on top of that is a layer of “scientific” managerialism, that demands performance measures, feedback and other arcane stats, so it can show an ever expanding business model, weed out inefficiencies in the machinery, maximise profits, etc,..
But such scientific management is reliable only until it meets people, and then it doesn’t work, for the simple reason, people are not machines. Treat us like machines, we treat the machine or machine-like people with contempt, and the collective bio-mechanical machine lies.
After messaging the seller, the picture eventually arrived, unannounced, in the small hours of the morning. It was left propped by the front door, in the middle of a rainstorm. But no harm was done. The picture was safe and snug inside its battered parcel, and I’m very pleased with it. I was hoping the courier would email me a link to a quiz, asking me to “rate my experience”, but they didn’t. I would not have complained. I would have responded irrationally, and said:
Regarding my feedback. Sorry I missed you. You weren’t in, and there was no safe place to leave it.
Thanks for listening
The Rivendale Review 
I was lucky to suvive my 1st year as mc courier, but enjoyed the 2nd. We were beginning to use a smart phone app in the 2nd year, but perhaps because the boss of my small firm had been on the road, he never requested a picture as “proof of delivery”. A signature was great, a name would do.
I wrote a post about a railway man who died to obtain a photo, which his employer, supposedly, didn’t need.
The job that I used to do most likely doesn’t exist anymore, or soon won’t, the big growth is in food delivery, and if I’m ever that desperate I hope I’ll think of something else.
Just had a delivery of Xmas foods from a well known store, Iceland. They texted me 30 mins before arriving, and I was able to meet the delivery man at the door. He still had to take a picture – but didn’t want me in it!
On the other side of the coin, in preparation for the coming viral onslaught, I ordered some FFP2 masks from an online chemist, Lloyds. They took over a fortnight to arrive, which is probably normal in these days of limited availability. But within that waiting time I received the dreaded “how did you find our delivery service?” I told them! Of course, as you point out, I was talking to their machine, so nobody will be apologising or trying to improve the service.
On a wider scale there were a couple of items on the news today, Afghanistan evacuation and the Grenfell disgrace, when unread, or probably ignored, emails disappeared into the machine and responsible politicians were able to just shrug their shoulders. Orwell’s 1984 was indeed far-seeing – machines maintaining the status quo and the insignificance of the individual. Is Boris becoming Big Brother?
Delivery does seem to be a mixed bag. I’m guessing it’s a bad time of year for ordering anything. The Afghanistan and Grenfell disgraces are appalling, and I fear we risk accepting it’ll be just another couple of scandals to be got away with. I don’t know about Big Brother but I saw Boris impersonating a big copper yesterday.
More of s. Omedy copper ss played by Benny Hill. What a disgaceful scruffy blob he is
Yes, I remember the press used to make a meal out of Jeremy C’s casual attire, but he was a proper dapper chap, by comparison.
I’m not sure there is any machine responsible for reading of emails from frightened Afghans, the letters were delivered by machine to a body of people, ie the home office who didn’t respond. The technology is not worthy of note, the problem is with humans. And we humans who elect the leaders.
Yes, I’ve been watching those humans under cross-examination by the Commons Foreign Affairs Committee today, after the whistle-blower brought about the Afghanistan inquiry. The senior civil servants weren’t very convincing.
Don’t talk to me about delivery firms! Ahead of the game, I did some online shopping for the “festive” season online for my daughters who live “over the water”. Two small packages arrived exactly as requested, so those presents are already under their Christmas trees. The third present of some excellent wines didn’t arrive and I thought, well, it must be very busy out there! After a week I did the “track your item” thing only to discover the package had left the retailer and was waiting (for 5 days) for delivery in the courier’s warehouse. Rather than “chat” to a machine, I phoned the given number only to be told the goods were damaged! I asked, “should you not have informed someone, me or the retailer?” “I’m telling you now,” he said. Yes, Michael, my items were in a safe place! (The retailer was very good and gave me a full refund even though the courier hadn’t told them anything, but took my word for it). (I’ve since sent an e-gift card to my daughter who received it within minutes of my purchasing it). So, Christmas is all done and dusted, except for the turkey, which if you’ve been following the news over this side of the Irish Sea is in the throes of an avian flu epidemic! Thinking of going vegetarian now.
I thought this one might touch a few nerves, Ashley. I’m glad everything came good in the end for you. The avian flu hasn’t hit the headlines here. I’ve had to dig for it but there are cases here, too, it seems. Also in the North of Ireland. Mind you, we’ve not the workers any more to slaughter turkeys, or the drivers to deliver them.
Michael, I’m in Northern Ireland! The avian flu thing began in Monaghan as far as I can tell and then was found in Fermanagh and Tyrone. Those birds just don’t care about borders!
Apologies, Ashley. Got you on the wrong side of the border.
Borders!!! That’s a subject no one wants to discuss!
When the BREX&T vote passed, the first thing I thought was what does that mean for the border? It seemed an impossible conundrum.
Being in the EU there were no borders between NI and RoI and Wales, Scotland and England! After Brexit there is a border between NI and mainland UK, in the Irish Sea, but there is no border between NI (constitutiionally a part of the UK) and RoI which is part of the EU. There! I hope that’s now all clear 🤔🙃
It is not the machines (usually) it is the really sloppy and low intelligence work of the designers.
Many many years ago as a starting Systems analyst, I designed a fantastic form for the staff to fill in on credit applications. It was far better than the existing stuff and the girls would capture it for computer system to process.
My boss agreed it was a fantastic design, but then he said “Some poor clerk is going to have to fill this in for 8 hours a day every day, so why don’t you make a hundred or so copies and fill them in just so you can be sure that they will like it.”
Obviously after 10 or so I discovered an number of flaws.
I am certain that the designers of the interactive screens and phone systems have not once actually used the rubbish that they dish up. If you complain, to say, the bank staff they just say “Not us, it is the computer people.”
It is like complaining about the police or other civil servants, nobody cares. Quality in 99% of the cases has just gone out the window.
Machines make it easy for ‘no one” to be responsible.
I once had a complaint about the installation of my swimming pool. Went to the company and said I wanted to speak to the MD. “He is not available right now.”
“No problem I will wait” At 5pm he ducked out a back door.
Came back next morning at 8AM “No problem I will wait.”
Eventually someone came and said they would be at the house at midday to fix the problem.
The computer unfortunately doesn’t have to face the customer, so it doesn’t care.
“You are 196 in the queue and the waiting time will be : 1 hour 35 minutes.”
No body cares.