If we ask: ‘what is the meaning of life’, we’ll get different answers of course, depending on who we ask, but most will talk of happiness: to be happy, to attain happiness, to spread happiness – because happiness is a good feeling, so why not?
We pursue it in various ways but always indirectly, by pursuing something else we believe will ‘make’ us happy: money, the perfect relationship, the acquisition of fancy stuff. And though we seem willing enough victims to this fallacy we all know it doesn’t work.
Stuff? No sooner have we got that new thing it’s no longer desirable and we’re on to the next. Relationships? Sorry, but there’ll be good times and bad. There’s security and warmth in a good relationship for sure, and love if you’re lucky, but love isn’t a one way ticket to happiness either. Indeed there are times when there is no misery greater than being in love. Money? Well, we all need a little money if we’re not to go hungry, and we need a key to our own front door, but that won’t make us happy for long either. It’ll just stop us from hurting, which isn’t the same thing. Indeed it seems nothing ‘makes’ us happy for long. Happiness keeps its own counsel, it comes and goes as it pleases.
It can be dispiriting once we realise how fickle happiness is, and how much effort we’ve already spent in hope of its eventual attainment, that while we may have had fleeting glimpses, it never settles in. We might even have risen to become stupendously successful, at least materially, yet there we are, sitting on the deck of our super-yacht, surrounded by golden stuff, fawned over by the world’s most beautiful partner, and still as miserable as sin. Is happiness then even worth pursuing, when its pursuit seems so self defeating?
I’m no stranger to happiness. Hopefully none of us are. But I’ve noticed I find it more often in small things, in quiet moments, in unexpected places, and without really looking for it. It’s sporadic, unpredictable, and I enjoy it while I can, but its comings and goings are impossible to predict and one must be sanguine when we are without it. No sense running after a thing, when we don’t even know where it lives.
One of my happiest moments, and certainly one of the most memorable, was sitting under the pavement-awning of the Glenridding Hotel in pouring rain with coffee, having just walked the length of Ullswater. I remember taking a breath and seeing the rain fall – I mean the individual droplets, as if frozen in motion – and feeling time stop as the moment opened out as seemingly perfect as it could ever be.
It had been a beautiful walk, yes, but there was no need to be so ecstatic about it, surely? All I can think is the walk had given me a sense of purpose for the day. The boat drops you off at the far end of the lake and then it’s ten miles back under your own steam or nothing. Sure, I’m always happy after a long walk. Everything looks and tastes and feels better. It focuses the mind, grants one a tangible purpose, and makes us work for it.
Purpose,… now that’s an interesting word, and one worth exploring – this idea of defining a goal and working towards it. It seems to colour our lives in brighter tones. Even the cheery ring of a teaspoon in a cup can bring us joy if life provides a sufficient sense of purpose in other areas. And it doesn’t seem to matter what that purpose is. It doesn’t have to be a long walk. Anything will do it, big or small, so long as you feel that in doing it you’re making things better, or even just a little bit different than they were yesterday. You could be improving yourself perhaps, or helping out in some way, or painting a picture, or making something, oiling a squeaky hinge, fixing that puncture on your bike, or that ultimate of domestic challenges: tidying up your shed! I always feel great after tidying my shed!
We’re wired for purpose, for challenge. We like to ‘do’ things, set things in order, we like to make things, explore things, we like to look back and see where we’ve been. Nothing gives us greater satisfaction and opens the door to personal happiness more than a sense of purpose. But purpose is a slippery eel, especially in a society that measures everything in terms of monetary value. Many of us would like to find purpose in our work, and this makes sense since we spend such a long time doing it, but it also renders us vulnerable should we find ourselves turfed out of it when others think our work is no longer worth it. Whole industries have gone that way, casting adrift generations, condemned them to living without practical purpose, or pressed into jobs that seem thankless, pointless and spiritually toxic.
We can’t rely on society then to provide our sense of purpose. Each of us must define it for ourselves, perhaps more especially now society, zombified by a decade of economic austerity, finds so little value in the individual human beings of which it comprises. There are so many challenges facing the world, but one of the most overlooked is this loss of all sense of the value of the individual in society, also any reasonable expectation those individuals might have that things can one day be any better than they are now. There’s nothing like a knee in the balls for making one question one’s purpose in life.
I suppose solving that one is a thing worth working towards, that the grand, collective purpose seems subverted nowadays, and how do we put that right? But in the mean time, there are personal missions a-plenty to unlock the secret of at least little happiness for each of us.
Interesting article along the same line: https://aeon.co/ideas/how-schopenhauers-thought-can-illuminate-a-midlife-crisis
Thanks Tom, telic and atelic. That was a good read. I keep bumping into Schopenhauer and feel I should really try to know him better but he usually scares the life out of me.
So very true. Most people do not realize that happiness is not a thing in and of itself, but rather a by product.
Cheers
Pat
I saw a documentary about James Herriot the other day. His son was explaining how hard his dad had worked. For about ten years he had hardly a day off and was on call all times of the day and night. His son asked him why he did it, to which he answered that when he was out driving around the farms, he could feel happiness descending on him. Strong sense of purpose. Great piece.
Thanks George. And Herriot’s wasn’t exactly an easy job either.
Indeed!
I love this post, Michael! I am always happiest in quiet moments, especially in nature. To be able to keep A sense of childhood wonder is something to be cherished☺
“… Scientists say that each time you make a decision, then a parallel universe is created. When you chose a Pizza instead of Kentucky Fried, in another universe you continue as though you did have KFC. When your girl friend asks for Margarita Pizza instead of Pepperoni, another universe exists where she had Pepperoni. Lewis wondered whether this only applied to him or to everything. When an Ant turned left instead of right, did a Universe open where the right turn was executed? A trillion ants, making 10,000 turns a day, every day for 150 million years means that there would be a lot of universes. Did it only apply to people? Did it only apply to scientists?
Scientists have weird ideas. ”
Where I live the ground around is very fine sand for 100 kms in every direction, in 100 million (or more) years no soil has formed. The reason is that we sit on a billion, billion ants. A 4″ concrete slabs last a few years and then the ants will move half the sub-sand a foot to the left and the whole thing will slip and crack. I have no idea how long an individual ant lives in this environment. Are they happy? Do they have an individual purpose, a sense of direction, achievement?
Do they dream of an ant paradise? Do they fear an ant Hell?
Above the ground we have Billions of Ticks, (300 kms around us). Ectoparasites that live on animal and occasionally human blood. They are not very mobile and there are very few humans or animals per square kilometre. What they do is find a piece of grass or a branch or a fence, a gate or pretty much anything and they climb up to the top or at most head height and they sit and wait for some warm blooded creature to come along. They can leap about 6 inches to reach the meal.
Naturally if you are a tick sitting in the bush waiting for an animal of some kind, it can take a little while. No problem, a tick can go 40 years between meals. So I ask myself, what does a Tick think about whilst sitting on his branch for 40 years? Does he ever think ‘You know what, I think I will give this antelope a miss and wait for the next one.’
If a Martian was to visit earth and look for the dominant species by mass or the most successful by length of survival, he would immediately go and interrogate the ants.
The point of my comment is that I do not look for a ‘Mission’ in life, or feel special or privileged to some great knowledge, it I enough that I am here. There are moments when I feel great and moments when I feel less than great.The universe is, enjoy the moment, move on.